Hey there, fellow adventurers in the world of weight loss! It's me, your not-so-faithful guide, back from a hiatus that feels longer than waiting for the next season of your favourite show. Strap in, because we're about to embark on a journey filled with ups, downs, and a whole lot of snacks.

Let's rewind a bit. Picture this: me, on top of the world (or at least on top of the scale), proudly boasting about shedding those extra pounds. But then life happened. Work got busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest, and suddenly, I found myself straying from the path of righteousness (aka my diet plan).

Fast forward to the present, and here I am, sheepishly admitting that I've been MIA from my weight loss journey. You know how it goes - one missed workout turns into two, then three, and before you know it, you're back to square one. Well, square one plus a stone, to be precise.

Speaking of workouts, let's talk about the gym. Ah, the gym - a place where sweat becomes your best accessory and the treadmill taunts you with its incessant beeping. I'll confess, folks, I had a case of gym-timidation. The thought of walking into a room full of people flexing muscles I didn't even know existed was enough to send me running... well, not literally, but you catch my drift.

But fear not, dear readers, for I've discovered a new love: squash. Yes, you heard that right - squash, the sport of champions (or at least the sport of people who are trying to avoid the dreaded "dad bod"). It's like tennis, but in a room the size of a shoebox, and with a ball that moves faster than my metabolism after a double espresso.

So, what's a slightly pudgy adventurer to do? Embrace the dad bod and call it a day? Not on my watch! It's time to dust off those walking shoes, bid farewell to beer bellies, and say hello to a healthier lifestyle. Sure, I may not be bench-pressing my body weight (or anyone else's, for that matter), but a brisk stroll around the block counts as cardio, right?

And let's not forget about the food. Ah, food - the eternal nemesis of every dieter. But fear not, my friends, for I have a plan. Out with the greasy takeaways and in with the leafy greens. Goodbye, beer; hello, hydration! It's all about balance, folks - a concept I'm still trying to master, but hey, Rome wasn't built in a day.

So, there you have it - my not-so-triumphant return to the battlefield of weight loss. Will I emerge victorious? Only time (and a whole lot of willpower) will tell. But one thing's for sure: I'll be armed with humor, determination, and maybe a few protein bars for good measure. Until next time, my fellow adventurers, stay strong, stay funny, and remember: it's not the size of the jeans that matters, but the journey it took to squeeze into them. Cheers to that!