Alright folks, buckle up, it’s your favorite Fatty 4 Eyes back with another thrilling chapter in The Weight Loss Journey That Shouldn't Be Working but Somehow Is™.

So, let’s cut straight to the chase—last week, my enthusiasm for exercise was about as high as my enthusiasm for washing dishes (spoiler alert: it’s non-existent). In fact, I did no actual exercise. Zero. Nada. But somehow, despite doing what can only be described as a motivational impression of a potato, I managed to lose 0.95kg. Now, some might say, “That’s not a lot.” But to them I say, “That’s a solid 0.95kg more than I expected, considering my diet consisted of a kebab and a pizza this week.” 😂

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that weight loss while eating pizza is something they should be teaching in schools. I can already see the headlines: “Man Defies Laws of Science and Pizza: Loses 0.95kg Despite Cheese Overload.” Somewhere, a nutritionist is weeping softly into their quinoa salad.

#In Other News: The Beer Conundrum – Solved!

Now, you all know my love/hate relationship with beer. I love it, and it loves my belly just a bit too much. But hold onto your hats, because I’ve discovered something that’s shaken my very foundations. Guinness has a 0% alcohol version, and brace yourselves—it tastes exactly the same as the real thing! I don’t know what kind of witchcraft they’ve got going on over at Guinness HQ, but it’s working. Every time I drink one, I have to double-check the can to make sure it doesn’t have any sneaky alcohol in there. My taste buds are convinced it’s the real deal, and I’ve avoided those “I’ll just have one beer” nights that turn into three-bottle marathons. Victory! 🎉

And hey, it might be psychological, but this whole “not drinking three bottles of real beer on a Friday night” thing is doing wonders. I’ve probably saved enough calories to justify that pizza, right? Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

#The Power of Air and Pretending to Drink Things

Speaking of drinks, I’ve also dusted off my trusty Air Up bottle. I know, I know—smelling flavors while drinking water sounds like something out of a sci-fi novel, but it’s surprisingly effective. When I sip on what is basically fancy water with the scent of, let’s say, ‘Mango-Passionfruit-Tropical Island Getaway,’ my brain is like, “Yeah, this is fine dining.” Meanwhile, my waistline is like, “Hey, thanks for not going for that fourth slice of pizza!” Win-win!

So between the magical Guinness-that-isn’t and the scent-powered hydration wizardry, I’m doing alright. I’m not here to pretend I’ve cracked the secret formula for weight loss, but if I had, it would probably read something like:

Eat what you want (within reason) but try to not wash it down with actual beer. Trick your brain into thinking water is a treat (Thanks, Air Up). Keep your expectations low, so even losing 0.95kg feels like winning the lottery. Final Thoughts: Progress is Progress, Even if You’re a Potato

In summary, this week has been a surprising success for me. Sure, I haven’t done any real exercise, but hey, it’s about balance, right? And by “balance,” I mean balancing that kebab in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other. Yet somehow, the scales tipped in my favor (barely, but I’ll take it).

If you’re struggling with motivation or feeling guilty about that pizza you ate while watching Netflix in your PJs, remember this: if I can stumble my way to losing 0.95kg in a week like this, you can definitely make progress too.

Until next time, stay awesome, stay hydrated, and never trust a Guinness can with zero on it until you’ve double-checked it twice! 🍕🍺🚴‍♂️